Well, crap

My Mom died.

I went back at the beginning of the month because things had taken a sudden and bad turn. I got there Friday afternoon and about 24-hours it was over.

Right now I'm pissed. Because her liver was fine. Doing its job just great. Her incision even looked immaculate. And I was ready for it to be something to do with the transplant. But it wasn't. Well, not really. She got something called Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome (ARDS) and her lungs couldn't recover. So I'm pissed.

About that and about how many people try to cram GOD down your throat at a time like this. Just because that's what you believe or what gives you comfort, doesn't mean that's a help to me. Keep your Jesus to yourself, mmmkay? I don't need more reasons to be angry right now.

I've decided I'm going to write a book about all the weird things people say to you when a parent dies. Because over the last year and a half, I've heard some doozies. My Dad died suddenly, so there wasn't as much time around his death to hear the number or level of weird things as with my Mom. "That transplant was really necessary. I mean, her quality of life just wasn't that great." Really? Think I didn't notice she was a tad under the weather? "Well, I'm sorry to hear it, but I can't say I'm surprised." Well, shit. I should have called you MONTHS ago, seeing as you could predict the future better than the doctors at the University of Minnesota.

Look, I know people just don't know what to say and feel compelled to say SOMETHING. But take it from me, I'm 37 and don't need you to use the word "orphan" when talking to me You can just say sorry and move on. I won't think you're rude, I won't think you're a jerk.

And I also realize I'm grieving, so maybe I won't be so mean.

But maybe not.

In the meantime, I LOVE this.
(And thanks, Mark for sending it to me a hundred years ago.)

I forgot

Sometimes I forget that I am a grownup. I don't mean, "Oops! I forgot to pay my bills," or, "No one told me I have to wear pants!" I mean, I forget that I am completely free, beholden to (mostly) no one and can just do stuff and go places and not have to ask permission. Dumb!

When did I become such a homebody? Yeah, I've been nesting in my new pad (well, still unpacking, truth be told). Yeah I've been going back to visit my Momma and keeping up with her health (she's doing okay...not great, but okay). But jinkies! When did I stop exploring weirdo places and silly wastes of time? It's like I lopped a big part of my brain off and sealed it in some Tupperware™ for the winter. Double dumb.

So, now that spring is alllllllmost here (hurry,please) I'm popping the seal on that lid and tacking that shit back in there.

So, what's on tap? Here's the problem. Not a whole lot. I am going for my sixth year to the NCAA Wrestling Tournament in St. Louis mid-March (it's okay, everyone laughs). My sisters are threatening to FINALLY visit me (I'll believe it when I see it) the following weekend. The tulip festival that I always swear I'm going to go to and never do. Travels to crazy, sun-drenched lands that I always dream about and go to Minneapolis instead. I'm bored with how boring I am! Thank god Jenny and Jamie have actual tickets to come visit me in April. And then...BASEBALL BEGINS. I love Christmas, but screw that. Beginning of baseball season is the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.

So, this is war. Look out boring, I'm comin'. Fun gun loaded. I am going to do so much you're gonna freak out. And I'm gonna post the crap out of the photos, too! Yeah!

Just don't be surprised if it doesn't exactly happen with any sort of regularity. Cuz, like...I'm busy, okay?